Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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