Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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