I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
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Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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