I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
