I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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