You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
