My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
