I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
