You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
