I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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