well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
