anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
