Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
