Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
