Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
