well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
