why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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