plz talk dirty to me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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