My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
