is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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