People in love make me want to vomit
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
