tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
