NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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