he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
A bitchslap is in order.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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