Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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