she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
