He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
