The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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