we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
