I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
