and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
