Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
