My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
