im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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