ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
