i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
