No awkward lesbian experiences without me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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