she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
