i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I deserve this hangover.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
