but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
