it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
