Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
