similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
