So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
