I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
