He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The adults are the big ones right?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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