First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
