Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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