I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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