i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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