how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
