New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
