She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize