Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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