i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let's get the cat blown out
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
