His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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