Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
