why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
