Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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