i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You can't motorboat a personality
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
