They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
