Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
