the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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