i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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