My first STD was from a foam party
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
