We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
