yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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