you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
